In Narratives of Attachment, Danger and Survival (Cundy, 2026), editor Linda Cundy draws on Renos Papadopoulos’s concept of a “storied community” (1999, as cited in Cundy, 2026, p. xix) to bring together authors whose personal and professional accounts reveal how relationships that provide safety, identity, and belonging can also become sources of distress. The collection explores why leaving such relationships is rarely straightforward and offers insight into why individuals may remain attached to dangerous relationships, groups, or situations. The contributors also demonstrate how psychotherapists and counsellors can support recovery and encourage safer ways of relating. These courageous narratives illustrate that leaving is not a single act of separation but a prolonged relational and psychological process that continues long after physical departure.
Linda Cundy is an attachment-based psychoanalytic psychotherapist and clinical supervisor based in North London, United Kingdom. Her collection is notable not only for the diversity of experiences represented but also for its varied narrative forms, particularly in the chapter by Nancy Borrett and Cora Hart. This collaborative account offers a rare dual perspective, with both the therapist and the client reflecting on their therapeutic encounter.
The book will be of particular interest to counsellors, psychotherapists, and other helping professionals, while remaining accessible to those who have experienced dangerous or harmful attachments. It offers insight into the difficulties of staying, leaving, and then rebuilding a sense of identity, relational safety, and belonging.
Cundy begins by arguing that attachment is a fundamental survival system, yet the same relationships that offer safety and belonging can also become sources of danger. She describes how a loving parent, partner, or leader may unpredictably become a terrifying presence. Drawing on the psychodynamic concept of splitting, Cundy explores how this defensive function allows individuals to maintain an idealised representation of an attachment figure despite experiences of abuse. Through this process, the individual maintains an attachment that may feel psychologically essential to their survival. This also helps explain why leaving can be so difficult, as separation requires relinquishing not only the dangerous relationship but also the idealised attachment figure and the hope that the relationship might become safe. For counsellors and psychotherapists, recognising this defensive function is essential, as apparent resistance or ambivalence may be more about an attempt to preserve psychological security. Therapeutic work may therefore involve helping clients gradually tolerate and understand these conflicting experiences rather than prematurely challenging the attachment or expecting them to relinquish it before they are ready.
In Judy Davies’s chapter, she explores the factors that can keep individuals in dangerous relationships. The abusive partner is not continuously frightening. The relationship also offers intellectual companionship, excitement, shared projects, care, and belonging. These positive experiences complicate the recognition of abusive dynamics, as periods of affection and companionship coexist with unpredictability and fear. Ruthie Smith’s account of spiritual betrayal extends this understanding beyond intimate relationships, showing how losing trust in a spiritual leader can threaten deeply held beliefs and identity. In Jacqueline Samuel’s chapter, she offers a different perspective through her experience of leaving Orthodox Judaism. Her account demonstrates that separation may become necessary not because a community is inherently abusive but because continued belonging conflicts with an important aspect of identity. These narratives remind us that therapy explores what remaining in a dangerous relationship still provides, what the client fears losing by leaving, and how the need to preserve an attachment can make separation feel more threatening than staying.
In dangerous situations, psychological withdrawal may serve as a survival strategy, and physical departure does not necessarily bring about psychological freedom. Mary Kelly describes how introjected voices and fear of reprisal kept her psychologically immobilised for many years following her experiences within an abusive therapy cult (p. 31). Her account illustrates how the internalisation of a cult leader’s authority can keep shaping an individual’s sense of self long after leaving, presenting difficulties when attempting to establish trust within subsequent therapeutic relationships. In treatment, the therapist may be experienced as another authority figure, potentially evoking expectations of manipulation or betrayal. Kelly’s narrative is especially useful in showing that leaving is not the end of attachment but often the beginning of a prolonged psychological separation.
Charles Brown’s autobiographical account of addiction extends the collection’s exploration of dangerous attachments beyond relationships with individuals or groups. His reflections demonstrate how leaving an addictive way of life involves more than abstaining from substances. It also requires rebuilding a sense of safety and identity. Brown’s narrative reinforces the collection’s central argument that recovery does not involve simply relinquishing what has become harmful but discovering alternative ways of relating. His account also stresses the importance of understanding the personal and relational histories that may contribute to addictive behaviours.
Joe Secrett and Linda Cundy’s exploration of street gangs and child exploitation further demonstrates how attachment and belonging cannot be understood independently of social circumstances. Their account highlights how exclusion and mistrust of authority can contribute to young people’s involvement in dangerous groups, while the possibility of leaving may depend upon the availability of trustworthy relationships. The chapter reminds us that attachment-informed practice must attend not only to internal psychological processes but also to the social environments in which dangerous attachments develop and are maintained.
For those who have achieved physical safety, particularly people seeking refuge, danger may persist through the continuing effects of past experiences and new threats of hostility or rejection in their new country. Zibiah Alfred Loakthar highlights the guilt and mourning of leaving one’s homeland, along with the challenges of establishing a new identity and sense of belonging. Loakthar also identifies ambivalence as a recurring theme in the life stories of people seeking refuge. Drawing on Bosnian writer Himzo Skorupan’s poem Neither Here nor There, she illustrates the experience of displacement and the uncertainty of belonging (p. 182). Refugees are separated from the homeland where their attachments and identities were formed, while facing hostility or exclusion in the country where they seek to build a new life. This is particularly relevant to Australia, the United Kingdom, and other countries where people continue to seek refuge from persecution and conflict.
Nancy Borrett and Cora Hart’s chapter demonstrates how the therapeutic relationship can serve as a secure base from which clients begin to renegotiate relational expectations shaped by abuse. Hart describes entering therapy with the understanding that vulnerability, and particularly making mistakes, could expose her to danger. When Borrett, her therapist, makes mistakes, she acknowledges them and works to repair the rupture. Initially, Hart finds this frightening because, within her previous abusive environment, admitting mistakes could result in severe punishment. Through repeated ruptures and repairs, Hart gradually learns to tolerate Borrett’s fallibility and to risk disclosing her own mistakes. She begins to discover that honesty and vulnerability need not result in rejection, and that relationships can become stronger through a process of reparation.
In the concluding chapter, Cundy synthesises the themes emerging from the narratives into an attachment-informed model (A-IM), organised around seven interconnected dimensions designed to support clients over time rather than through a fixed sequence. Drawing on attachment theory, object relations, and clinical experience, Cundy offers an integrative framework that encompasses safety and affect regulation, intergenerational narratives, mentalising, mourning, identity, rewarding relationships, and the internalisation of a secure object. This is one of the book’s key strengths, as the model recognises that recovery involves more than achieving physical safety or reducing symptoms. It addresses the intergenerational roots of relational difficulties while supporting the development of a stronger sense of self and the capacity to establish secure relationships. This thoughtful, holistic approach offers a useful framework for clinical practice and warrants further exploration in a dedicated publication.
A particularly compelling aspect of the collection is the unexpected emergence of autobiographical accounts from contributors who are themselves psychotherapists. Cundy acknowledges in her preface that she had not anticipated how many colleagues would choose to share personal rather than clinical narratives (p. xxv). There is something humbling and moving about this departure from professional anonymity, positioning therapists not simply as observers and interpreters of attachment experiences but as individuals whose own lives have been shaped by attachment, danger, and survival. Cundy reflects sensitively on the emotional demands of revisiting these experiences, recognising that doing so may reactivate painful memories and unresolved loss while also contributing to the ongoing process of recovery. These contributions deliver valuable insights into therapists’ experiences and call for further consideration of how their own attachment histories may shape their clinical relationships.
It should come as no surprise to Cundy that, after reading this collection, I, too, found myself reflecting on my own attachment experiences. I had not anticipated how much these narratives would prompt me to revisit aspects of my life I had not previously considered through the lens of attachment. Reflecting on my experiences as a young adult working within a large multinational organisation with a strong corporate culture proved both personally meaningful and professionally valuable. It helped me recognise how my own attachment history may have led me to give more of myself, and my time, than was healthy for my wellbeing. This reminded me that, as therapists, we are not merely observers of others’ attachment experiences, but individuals whose histories continue to shape how we understand ourselves in relation to others. I would encourage readers to approach this collection with a similar openness to self-reflection, recognising that certain narratives may evoke unexpected and, at times, uncomfortable personal responses. For me, this is one of the book’s less immediately apparent strengths: it invites us not only to consider the experiences of those whose stories are told, but also to reflect upon our own.
Building on Borrett and Hart’s valuable reflections on countertransference, supervision, and relational repair, I would also like to encourage therapists to return to personal therapy at different stages of their careers. Longitudinal research suggests that attachment orientations are not fixed but may change across the lifespan (Chopik et al., 2019), while evidence indicates that attachment representations can change through psychotherapy (Taylor et al., 2015). This raises an important consideration for therapists: how our own attachment patterns may continue to evolve alongside our personal and professional experiences. Returning to personal therapy can provide an opportunity to revisit our attachment histories, explore what clients evoke in us, and consider how our relationship patterns interact with those of the people we work with. Alongside supervision and reflective practice, this may strengthen our capacity to provide the secure therapeutic base central to Cundy’s attachment-informed model.
While the collection offers considerable breadth, some perspectives remain less explored. It would be unreasonable to expect the book to encompass every form of dangerous attachment, particularly given its predominantly U.K. context. I found Cundy’s candid reflections on the challenges of assembling the collection particularly moving. She acknowledges that the project evolved in ways she had not anticipated, with some planned contributions lost and others emerging unexpectedly (p. xxi). These observations are therefore best understood as opportunities for further exploration rather than shortcomings of the book itself.
The collection includes male experiences of abuse and coercion, particularly in Mary Kelly’s account of the therapy cult. However, I believe the collection might have been further improved by a narrative exploring how men experience abuse, shame, dependency, and the difficulties of leaving harmful intimate relationships, whether with female partners or within male same-sex relationships. Although Jacqueline Samuel’s chapter provides an important LGBTQ+ perspective through her experience as a lesbian woman leaving Orthodox Judaism, the experiences of male survivors of intimate partner abuse remain largely unexplored. Although attachment is a fundamental human experience that transcends gender and sexual orientation, consideration of these diverse relational experiences would further enrich this collection of narratives.
Although the collection does not explicitly explore Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander perspectives, it nevertheless offers important reminders of the need to understand attachment within its wider cultural and historical background. Hyun Suk Lee’s account of working with a North Korean client illustrates this particularly well. Despite a shared language, the therapist and client bring different political and social experiences into the therapeutic relationship, requiring awareness of how these differences may shape trust and understanding (pp. 158–159). Similarly, Cundy’s attachment-informed model recognises the importance of exploring intergenerational narratives within their social, cultural, and historical contexts (p. 217). For an Australian readership, further consideration may be needed for whether or not Western attachment frameworks might be applied sensitively to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples, particularly where understandings of relationships and belonging extend beyond individual attachments to encompass family, kinship, community, culture, and Country.
In conclusion, Narratives of Attachment, Danger and Survival (Cundy, 2026) challenges simplistic distinctions between attachment and detachment, danger and safety, and leaving and arriving. Judy Davies’s account demonstrates how love and belonging can coexist with coercion and abuse, while Mary Kelly illustrates how the psychological influence of a dangerous attachment can persist long after physical separation. Charles Brown’s reflections on addiction and Joe Secrett and Linda Cundy’s exploration of gang involvement extend these themes beyond intimate relationships, illustrating the importance of identity, belonging, and the social circumstances in which attachments develop. Zibiah Alfred Loakthar’s exploration of forced migration reveals that reaching safety does not necessarily bring a sense of belonging, while Nancy Borrett and Cora Hart demonstrate how a secure therapeutic attachment can provide the foundation for greater autonomy and freedom. Together, these narratives show that recovery is not simply about breaking attachments but about developing new ways of relating in which safety, trust, and autonomy can exist. Cundy’s attachment-informed model proposes a flexible framework to support this process through mourning, rebuilding identity, and establishing new relationships characterised by security and trust.